Epiphany

Have you ever had an epiphany - and then immediately wish you hadn't?? Well today I was struck with a very loud and very strong and maybe some might say obvious epiphany....The clothes in my closet did NOT have a clandestine meeting during the dark days of winter and unanimously decide to shrink. I was under the impression that somehow my clothes mysteriously got smaller over the past few months. I was quite sure they committed a suicide mission and threw themselves into my dryer and selected SUPER HOT SHRINK MODE and spent several days tumbling around in the oppressive heat. I did not in any way think that perhaps I was the one to change size. I mean how ridiculous of a thought is that? Well today, I met reality straight on. I was out for a lovely day of shopping at the outlets with my mom and my daughter. A day of nothing but stores stores stores and EVERYTHING on SALE!!! Life is grand!!! What could be better??? A new spring wardrobe awaits!!! So the first store I grabbed all the delightful choices in my size and proceeded to the dressing room to try on the kaleidoscope of choices. Outfit number one ...Hmmmmmm. That's a bit tight. Oh well, I don't look good in yellow. Outfit number two...again a bit tight, and perhaps not that flattering. I am sure someone pulled a fast one and marked this with the wrong size.
Outfit number three ...can't....quite...get...it...on....ACK! Who is changing the sizes of these clothes??? I think I need a new store. Yes, most definitely I need a new store. Ahhh new store. New choices!!! Dressing room awaits!!! Outfit number one...is perhaps what some would say VERY SNUG. Alrighty, soooo I don't look good in green. Outfit number two.....OH MY GOSH!!!! What is going on here?? Did these clothes talk to my clothes and decide to ALL get MUCH smaller??? And, yes, that is when it hit me. The epiphany. I realized at that moment that...I am a bear. I have hibernated all winter and have stored some nutritional "extras" to make sure I survived the brutal cold days. I should be grateful, because maybe I wouldn't have survived our many blizzards if I were not part Grizzly. Soooo that leaves me with perhaps uttering a very mean, very shocking, very insulting FOUR LETTER WORD...... D I E T!!! ACK! I believe the doggies and I better hit the trails. This Bear can hear the outdoors calling!