Caustic Concoctions

OH PINE MOUTH! How you make me SUFFER! Yes, yes - I am now on day FOUR of Pine Mouth Misery. It is almost indescribable how AWFUL the Pine Mouth affliction is.  It consumes my every waking and sleeping moment. It is dreadful. I have tried to combat it with almost every means imaginable and yet still I suffer. I think I might be suffering more due to my never ceasing vigilance to rid myself of this awful pine mouth! I have gone to extreme measures. Let's see:
Gargle with warm Salt Water................Result - rather salty mouth and then.....ACK PINE MOUTH!

Gargle with Baking Powder in Warm Water........Result - Horrible weird salty powdery taste and GAG ACK.....PINE MOUTH!

Brush Teeth and Tongue with Baking Powder Paste....Result - Horrible weird salty powdery gritty teeth and then...........ACK PINE MOUTH!

Chew Gum.....Result - sore jaw and ACK PINE MOUTH!

Chew Wintergreen gum - thoughtfully given to me by my son who knows that I HATE wintergreen......Result - "ACK I HATE WINTERGREEN!" ACK PINE MOUTH!!!

Eat VOLCANO FIRE Thai Noodle Soup with extra spice........RESULT - Burn at least 8 layers of skin off my lips, set my esophagus on fire, create an inferno of gastric disruption in my stomach, run to the bathroom 8 times to violently empty my colon completely and then...........ACK PINE MOUTH!

Eat SweetTarts.........Result - ACK MY SWEETARTS TASTE LIKE PINE MOUTH!

Eat LemonHeads......Result - ACK these LemonHeads taste like PINE MOUTH!

Gargle with undiluted, raw, Apple Cider Vinegar........Result -1 gallon of tears flowing down my face, gagging and drooling for at least 5 minutes......ACK PINE MOUTH!

Gargle with pure lemon juice............Result  -ACK LEMON PINE MOUTH!

Gargle with Hydrogen Peroxide..... Result - Look like Rabid Dog....ACK PINE MOUTH!

Take phone call from mom...."giggle giggle...I see you have "Pine Mouth" Seriously?"   Tell mom that YES I HAVE PINE MOUTH .....result I STILL HAVE PINE MOUTH

Pickle = Pine Mouth, Apple Cider = Pine Mouth, CranApple = Pine Mouth, Spicy Tomato Sauce = Pine Mouth, Popcorn = Pine Mouth.

Result of trying to eat and/or drink something every 3 minutes to rid myself of this awful retching pine mouth taste...................I HAVE GAINED 30 POUNDS AND STILL HAVE PINE MOUTH!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK!