Sour-Oh No

 SIIIIIIIGHHHHHHHHHHHHH. SIGH SIGH SIGH

I am sure you have been able to hear my heavy numerous sighs over the last few days. Four days to be precise. 

Yes, I spent FOUR days trying to make a loaf of sourdough bread... FOUR DAYS. ONLY to be sabotaged by my cold cold kitchen. I feel betrayed. And I am taking it personally.

My anxiety of trying to make sourdough bread coming to full fruition as I watched over HOURS and DAYS as my carefully measured and weighed loaf never ever rose. 

I bought a food scale and everything. I took this so seriously!

Starter, warm water, bread flour...

All the way down to the salt! Measured and weighed for the utmost accuracy. Baking after-all is a science!

So full of hope with my little rough mix sourdough baby... SIGH

I even channeled my inner Belle with my bread towel cover for the rise

Folded 4 times every 30 mins for 3 folds

and NOTHING!

After intense googling/searching, my kitchen's balmy *60* is NOT the way to encourage anything bread to rise with love (and without a leavening agent).

I tried re-inoculation and NOTHING. Just intense sticky wet sourdough sadness

I tried putting my sourdough baby into the oven with just the light on to warm it and NOTHING.

Finally on the fourth day knowing I was officially beat, I tried to salvage the dough into a sourdough focaccia. Which turned out LAUGHABLE as it was so weak and the gluten so locked up and exhausted from a never ending "cold bulk" where my bubbly dough was choked out endlessly until it popped it's last 'Mercy please' fermented bubble.

And thus my 'Sourdough Teeth Cleaner Cracker' was created. 

Tastes SO good. Very nice sourdough flavor, hint of olive oil, and flaky sea salt AND as hard as an absolute rock. Possibly harder than diamond? 

Mmmmmm tasty and tartar free teeth! 

Is this what dental dog treats are like? 

Currently researching how to create a sourdough bread masterpiece (I will even take a most humble loaf- no masterpiece needed) in a drafty cold kitchen.

Please let the sabotage end. I just want to learn how to bake artisan style bread!

Wishing rising bread warm thoughts to all my Sourdough Starter Friends on this PERILOUS journey.

Oh sour... oh nooo.

Always,

Amelia