Thursday, December 9, 2010

What a Fabulous Coat!

Did anyone else seem to notice that it is REALLY REALLY REALLY cold already??!!!  I mean I KNOW it is December.  I know it is supposed to be cold in December. I know December means winter and snowmen and Christmas and reindeer and the North Pole and all of that but man December just entered in with a vengeance. There was no gradual sliding of the temperatures.  It was "Hello, I am Mr. December...... PREPARE TO FREEZE!"  Now I love living in a place that has all four seasons.  I love a fireplace in winter, hot chocolate with marshmallows and the eternal beauty of a snow filled landscape.  It is wonderful.  I am merely complaining because just 9 short days ago, it was November, and I was outside, with NO coat on! Now I feel I need a parka 24/7!  It is that cold.  The puppies gave me a look today that clearly said, "Hey Lady - YOU GO OUTSIDE AND PEE and see what YOU think!"  I have to admit, it was a good argument.  If it gets any colder, the puppies will all make peesicles!  The forecast calls for "bitter cold" followed by "frigid temperatures".  What exactly is the difference between bitter and frigid? Because every time I am that cold....I am always bitter! I decided to take action. I needed to be prepared for this winter's fury. I went and purchased a new fabulous winter coat.  My old coat which is still dear to me has a few flaws.  One - it is wool.  Now you might be thinking that is AWESOME!  Wool is so warm and lovely and you would be right. But here is the thing - I raise puppies. And the puppies stay in nice clean shavings in their nests so that the puppies don't get yucky and dirty when they fail to go outside to create their lovely peesicles.  Now if you pick up a sweet puppy out of their play area and you are wearing a wool coat, you will immediately look like you doused yourself in hot glue, then threw yourself into a pool of sawdust.  It sticks everywhere.  I think I spend more time vacuuming my coat off than I do wearing it.  The other major fault besides the fact that my old coat attracts dirt like a magnet is that it is a short waisted coat.  Which means my derriere is left out in the cold. So when I say, "I am freezing my butt off!" - I really mean it. In addition, for the past 2 days each time I open my car door - a big wind has come up out of nowhere and has blown snow ALL over my car seat. I open the door and a snowman appears on my seat.  Mr. Yesteryear Acres was ever so helpful when he told me to just brush the snow off.  Gee thank you.  I never thought of that. I however have not managed to get ALL the snow off my seat and instead sit on my instant snowman and by the time I get to the store, my derriere has melted Mr. Snowman and I have a wet butt.  How fun is that? It is only the 9th day of the month and I am already suffering from snowman butt!  I mean this is not a good predictor of how winter is going to go for me.  So now I have a lovely 3/4 length, down filled, nice shiny no shavings will ever stick to it, cover my derriere, fabulous coat.  Tomorrow when I head out to the store and a snowman magically appears on my seat - my butt will be covered!  No more snow butt! I am now officially ready for the bitterly frigid weather that lies ahead. I shall laugh when I wake up Monday morning to the predicted 7* and declare myself an official Eskimo of the winter season. I am prepared!!!!! I am prepared to let Mr. Yesteryear Acres take the puppies outside and I shall let them make peesicles.  I am prepared to watch from inside my warm house....with my new fabulous coat.  Gee - it is working already. I am so warm! What a great coat!

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