Thursday, August 12, 2010

One Year Survival Anniversary Date

Today marks exactly one year ago when I suffered a heart attack at the age of 43. I was in intensive care for 10 days and came very close to dying. It is a very odd thing to almost die. I am sure most people don't think about that kind of thing very often and I am also sure many people don't think that I think about that kind of thing very often either. When you go through something like that - it is hard not to think about it. Having a heart attack certainly makes you take a second look at your life and at the things that matter most to you. My heart attack was stress induced. I had a very nasty encounter with a now estranged step-family member. She is a toxic type person who verbally attacked me about my children and family - and well it literally broke my heart. I have never suffered such abuse and I vowed to never be on the receiving end of that type relationship ever again. Toxic people are toxic.  They do nothing for you and even though the adage "Sticks and Stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me" seems like it should work - in reality - words can hurt even more than sticks and stones. A broken bone heals far faster than a broken heart. My health condition is not one where removing fatty foods or limiting salt intake fixes things. My health depends on being surrounded by good people with good intentions and to walk away from people who mean harm. So that is what I am doing. I am much better now and will be scheduling my one year check up to make sure everything is how it should be.   Before my heart attack I wasn't much of a weeper. Granted the occasional sappy movie would get me - but other than that - I was pretty tough.  Now I find my eyes watering over the simplest of things. I find more meaning in life's little moments.  When we celebrated my husband's 50th birthday and I looked all around our beautiful property and found myself surrounded by so many people that care for my husband and love him - I admit it - I got teary. I heard a country song on the radio the other day and while my son was singing along - again I could feel my eyes filling up. I guess I will forever be one of those people that has to have a kleenex for momentous occasions.  I know there is no stopping the waterworks. I am powerless to hold back my feelings. The passion I have for life is at a higher level now and I do not take one second for granted. I really and truly love my life. I love raising puppies and I love working from my very own home. I love being with my husband each and every day and I love that he is home to share in the work together. I am grateful to have 3 children that love us so dearly and a husband that is my very best friend. The intensity in which I love them back knows no boundaries. I know I lead a blessed life.  So what does one do to commemorate the one year anniversary of a heart attack?  Well if one lives at Yesteryear Acres - lots of puppy kisses, cleaning puppy poop, feeding dogs, watering dogs, and general doggie work. You know - life goes on and every day is a good day type thing.  I actually thought we would do something super special today and skip all the work, but in looking back over the day - doing what we always do seems fitting. I am not grateful for just the super special fun days - I am grateful for every day. And today is a day to be thankful for.  Tonight we are all planning on grilling hamburgers out by the dock and having a campfire to make campfire caramel apples for dessert.  The Perseid Meteor showers are tonight so we are bringing cushions and lying out in the darkness under the shower of stars. I know with every falling star....the wishes I make....have already all come true.

1 comment:

  1. My goodness. Not sure what to say except that I'm glad you are fine now!

    I had a similar moment many years ago when I was, what, maybe 37? 38? It's far too long ago now to recall for sure, but it was life-threatening at the time, and then life-affirming, but I still recall vividly the dots on the ceiling tile in the emergency room and thinking, "So this is what I'll see right before I die?" I wasn't happy and have hoped since then that I'll see the faces of my beloved children instead.

    But, unlike you who had a far more serious and more definite a health problem, mine stemmed entirely from stress. Like you, I'm fine now, more or less, but that critical moment has stayed with me, for what it's worth.

    Here's hoping you have another 40 or 50 years left to enjoy your husband, your children, and your puppies!


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