Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Stark Reality

I believe the gnawing fear growing inside of me is coming to fruition. I hardly want to say it out loud for fear that just saying it will immediately result in cold stark reality. Okay, here it goes.....I am not as young as I think I am. There. I said it. It isn't like small subtle hints haven't been present for the past year or so. I have just chosen to ignore them or excuse them. For instance, the floor is SO much further down than it used to be. If I have to bend over to get something off the floor I can actually hear a groan escape my lips. If I am ON the floor...oh my. Getting up is almost a workout. When did the floor become so far away?? And when did eating garlic result in extreme gastrointestinal upset? I used to eat cloves of garlic and the only thing to get upset were the people that got too close to my delightful garlic breath. Now I feel like I need to consume an entire bottle of antacids whenever I eat roasted garlic. I suppose an early hint to the aging process might have been when white hairs started randomly appearing on my head. You think that could have been a tip off but nooooo, I told myself they were sunkissed highlights. Some people pay big dollars for highlights and here I was getting them for free! These past 2 weeks however have pushed the nagging suspicion that I am no longer 20 years old to the foreground. I started my new "Let's Get Moving" exercise plan and it is really kicking my butt! I used to be stick thin all the way until my early thirties. I could eat anything I wanted and never gained a pound. Now everything I eat sticks to me like glue and just getting my 30 minutes in is like torture. You should see how BEET red my face is. I am huffing and puffing along and honestly, I am not moving that fast. I think small school children could pass me by and do laps around me. What gives? I used to start an exercise program and just hop right through it. Now when I get home, it looks like someone abandoned me in the desert with no water or shelter. I also used to be a 100% certified night owl. I could stay up all night whenever I wanted and never went to bed before 12:30am. Well now I STILL don't go to bed before 12:30am BUT it is only because I have FALLEN asleep on the couch! Now in my defense, I never get to sit down until after 10pm. I am still working until late and I usually don't even start relaxing and watching TV until 10:45pm. I mean some people are in bed before I even turn on my TV for the evening. I usually watch at least 2 shows in the evenings but this week it has taken me THREE nights to get through ONE episode of Criminal Minds. I sit down all happy and eagerly looking forward to some relaxation time and I can't wait to start my show. Within the first 5 minutes I can feel myself getting sleepier and sleepier. Then my eyes start crossing and I try to uncross them only to find my eyes crossing again. I start rubbing my eyes, drinking some water, readjusting my position on the couch. The next thing I know, the show is long over and it is hours later. I used to tease my father-in-law endlessly because he could never stay awake and here I am doing just that! And who is right next to me fast asleep? Yep, you guessed it, Mr. Yesteryear Acres. Neither one of us remember anything that has happened in our show and it is a huge struggle to pull ourselves up off the couch and make our way to bed. Just yesterday Mr. Yesteryear Acres received his very first letter from the AARP. As in the American Association for RETIRED persons. I immediately laughed and said to my husband, "HA HA HA look who is sending you mail!!!!" Maybe that isn't as funny as I thought it was. All I know is if I keep falling asleep the second I sit down to watch TV....I am pretty sure I will be receiving a special platinum AARP invitation any day now!

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