Monday, May 10, 2010

Do you have dogs?

If you ever happen to come across my husband or I while we are shopping at the store you will notice us pushing a large flatbed cart stacked high with bags of dog food. We like to buy in bulk so we don't have to go to the store often. We usually have almost an entire skid of dog food on our cart along with 10 gallons of milk in the basket area. This is our routine every time we go to the store. And every single time we go , without fail, someone asks, "Do you have dogs?" Really. Every time. Someone will walk right up to us, notice our cart full of dog food and then ask if we have dogs. Now I would like to tell you that I answer ever so politely, "Oh yes, we do have adorable dogs. Thank you for asking." But of course, that would be a lie. There is something deep within me that won't allow me to answer that question with a simple "yes we have dogs" type answer. Instead I give an incredibly sarcastic retort to the question BUT I do it nicely so that the person asking the question knows I am joking. Once in a while I do get a "REALLY??!!??" but I always let them know that I am kidding. So what do I say? Well it varies. Sometimes I say that "Oh yes I have 2 chihuahuas but they are big eaters." Or "Nope - no doggies! I have decided to skip using gravel in my driveway but instead line my drive with doggie kibble". Other times when I am feeling particularly devious I say "WHY NO, we do not have any doggies. I run the local daycare center. You wouldn't believe how crunchy this stays in milk! It makes a wonderful snack before nap time!" Or "Nope. No dogs. This stuff is a miracle for removing plaque from your teeth! I get perfect check ups at the dentist every time!" Now before you go thinking that I am a big meanie - I always get a laugh. People know I am joking. And honestly - if they are going to ask someone "do you have dogs?" when clearly the answer is yes - then it is almost obligatory to come back with a clever response. So we go through the store pushing our cart full of dog food and gallons of milk and stop to talk to all the questioning shoppers. I am quite adept at coming up with a different answer for every shopper. I like to make sure to keep things lively. Once we have exhausted all the dog food questions we head for the cashier so we can check out. The cashier never asks us if we have dogs. They just scan our dog food......and then they get to the 10 gallons of milk..... "Hey, do you like milk?!?!?"

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