Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Negative Calories

I believe I have solved the never ending struggle with weight gain. I have created a recipe that is SOOOO good, soooo delicious, sooooo addictive and best of all, I believe the end product has NEGATIVE calories. That is right. NEGATIVE. I know you must be thinking I just discovered celery which everyone knows burns more calories in just chewing celery than celery actually contains but NO! I am not talking about celery! Or perhaps you already figured out that I wasn't talking about celery when you read "sooooo good and sooooo delicious" because clearly that is never a description one would use when talking about celery. I am not even talking about lettuce or water or carrots or cucumbers or any other traditional "diet" food. I am talking about a filling, satisfying, delicious lunch that will leave you longing for more and yet - the net result at the end of the day will be complete and total weight loss. I might even patent my recipe - that is how amazing my discovery is. I know you are dying to know - so here it is - I have come up with a delicious Thai Soup recipe. It is so simple to make and you can add almost any type leftovers in your refrigerator to make it even more delectable. Sometimes I use leftover rice, other times leftover noodles. I have used broccoli, peas, corn, chicken, green beans - anything goes! The soup is fantastic. Key ingredients to the soup are: Chicken Stock, Tamarind Concentrate, Tom Yum Paste, Tom Kha Soup Paste, Thai Chili Paste and a bit of sesame oil, soy sauce and a wee bit of ketchup. The soup is hot and sour, quite spicy and mouthwateringly yummy. So you must be wondering by now - just HOW can this delightful soup have NEGATIVE calories???? How do I put this delicately...... Well after you consume this delicious gastronomical wonder........please do not make any appointments that can't be missed or long trips in a car or be in a place where a restroom is not within immediate reach. About one hour after eating this miracle soup - you will find yourself completely cleansed. Completely. As in your intestinal tract is empty. Not one thing will remain. You will find yourself making an emergency "meeting" as you run full speed to the nearest restroom. I believe some very nice spa resorts charge big money for the "cleansing treatment" and here I have discovered it all on my own. Don't fret that you will be sick and unwell - it isn't like that. It is just a complete and total "cleansing". The first time I ate my soup and found I had an emergency meeting within the hour, I thought perhaps I picked up an intestinal bug or something. But I never felt poorly and it was all done and over with quickly yet efficiently. The next time I made the soup - the exact same reaction. Then I began to ponder if perhaps I was allergic to my delicious soup. I did consider perhaps that making the soup again wasn't in my stomach's best interest but darn it - the soup is so good! So today I made it again. And today I found myself once again in an emergency meeting. The meeting lasts less than a few minutes and I felt perfectly fine which is when I realized that I AM A GENIUS!!!! I have created NEGATIVE CALORIES! Just think - I could eat a pint of ice cream prior to the soup! I could eat a whole row of Oreos or I could consume a box of milk chocolate candies! EVERYTHING will be EMPTY after I eat the soup!!! Ah HA! Life is going to be great with my new soup recipe! Imagine all the guilt-free delights that I could eat each week, only to have them all count as zero calories!!!! Salad for lunch? That is for amateurs! I am going to have Hot and Spicy Thai soup! I am pretty sure that I will be nominated for the Nobel Prize. I mean if Alfred Nobel can win for inventing dynamite and if three biologists can be awarded the Nobel prize for developing a green fluorescent protein from jellyfish - the invention of NEGATIVE calories has to be at the top of discoveries!!! I wonder if it would be too premature of me to make plane reservations for Sweden? The Nobel Prize Award Ceremony is only 6 months away! Stockholm here I come!!!

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