Sunday, January 16, 2011

To sit and.....

Today I did something I never do. I mean never. Even if I try to do this, I cannot because the guilt I feel is so overwhelming, I just cannot do it. I....did.....nothing. That's right. Nothing. I sat in a chair for over an hour and did absolutely nothing. I didn't read. I didn't talk, I didn't sleep, listen to music, check my mail, and what's more...I didn't worry. I just sat. It was so nice. It was so relaxing. It was very soothing to just sit and breathe and not have an agenda or somewhere to be or somewhere to go. I tried to just sit and let my mind empty which is a very difficult if not impossible task. I tried to just be content in the moment and let all the worries and concerns of life float away.  I have to say I had to actively work on this about every 2-3 minutes as i would catch myself thinking about what I needed to do when I got home or which emails still needed answering or how everyone was doing back home, but then i just made myself stop and focus on relaxing. It is something that does not come easily for me, but I did it. I think I liked it too. Of course after about an hour, I grew restless and had to go do something, but for that hour, I relaxed as much as I think I am able to do so.  I might even try it again tomorrow, but I doubt I will actually follow through. I already made a list of things I want to do and I have a pile of books waiting to be read. I wouldn't want to disappoint Mr. Larsson or Mr. Parker. They have been patiently waiting for me for months. Perhaps I will stay up late this evening and get one whole book finished.  That sounds just about as lovely as a way to finish the day as anything I can think of. Mr. Parker, here I come.

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