Maybe I should just become a Vegetarian

"Hey mom....would you eat a rhinoceros?"

Um well, no son, I wouldn't. 

"How about a Giraffe?" "I mean there has to be a lot of meat in a Giraffe! Just think how long that neck is."

No, I wouldn't eat a Giraffe.

"What about a Hippopotamus?  I mean what if the kid in the song singing, "I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas" meant he wanted to eat one?"

NO - I do not want to eat a Hippo. No the kid didn't want to EAT a hippopotamus for Christmas.

"What about Water Buffalo?"

No.

"What about Cape Buffalo"

That is practically the same thing as Water Buffalo so still NO.

"Darn I thought I got you on that one. How about squirrel?  People eat squirrel.  Wouldn't you eat a squirrel?"

 NO! I don't want to eat squirrel. In fact - just consider my answers to your "Would you eat......" to be NO. No to anything cute.  No to anything I find adorable.  No to anything that I like to see in the zoo. Got it?

"Well then what about a snake? Would you eat a snake? Because you don't think snakes are cute or adorable and you never even go look at them in the zoo so how about a snake?"

ACKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK! NO! I do NOT WANT TO EAT A SNAKE. 

"How about a..."

STOP. STOP RIGHT THERE. I am now an official vegetarian. So NO, NO, NO to all your questions. Got it?

"Sooooo you don't care about plants?"

Yep - that is a summary of my day.  After that, my son started a brand new line of questioning - all designed to slowly eat away at my patience.  Before you think - awwwwww that is so cute - might I remind you that my son is 14.  Yes 14.  He was doing that on PURPOSE.  I was busy preparing dinner and couldn't get away.  He purposefully sprawled out on the kitchen floor so that I was 100% trapped by his line of questioning.  Every question came with a malicious grin and chuckle.  He knew he was driving me crazy and he was quite proud for achieving his goal.  Why - I ask myself - why is it so fun to torture me? I really don't have the answer but I figured I probably should count myself as the luckiest mom in the world because my teenage son likes hanging around me.  Because he chooses to keep me company while I cook. Because he doesn't choose to isolate himself in his room. Because he doesn't spend all his time on the internet or texting friends. Because he thinks I am fun to be with and that is pretty special......even if it is only to torture me.  Oh yea....."what about cows? Aren't cows CUTE and ADORABLE!?!?"  Yep - maybe I should just be a vegetarian.