Friday, December 2, 2011

Triceps of Steel

So evidently I am not the most coordinated person of balance and grace.  Some of you might have surmised that from my harrowing fall down what some might refer to as the "TREACHEROUS CLIFF" - while others, particularly Mr. Yesteryear Acres, might refer to it as "the backyard". It all depends on your perspective.  I mean, technically, YES, I did fall in my own backyard. Technically, yes, it a gentle grass covered ever so slight incline. BUT when my kids were little - they could SLED down that "gentle grass covered incline" and scream with glee so really I am thinking that the Olympic committee just might be scoping out our backyard for upcoming ski events! In any event - I slipped on the muddy wet grass and broke my ankle.  Perhaps this should have prepared me for the obvious impossible obstacle that I would face in CLIMBING UP the stairs. EGAD! First of all - crutches are really not that helpful.  I mean you have to put your crutches on the bottom step and then balance ALL your weight on 2 tiny aluminum sticks and HURL yourself to the next step up.  Right there - you can see - this is doomed for failure. In my attempts to climb the stairs the other night, I put my crutches down on the floor all the while keeping my casted leg (which weighs like 50 POUNDS) elevated. I then balanced all my weight and "hopped" to the next step up.  So far so good.  I repeated this as many times as I could before I was huffing and puffing and pretty much exhausted.  I looked back over my shoulder expecting to see that I was at the top of Mount Olympus only to find I had merely hopped up 4 steps. ACK! On my next attempt, I lost control of one of the crutches. The weight of my casted leg which I was holding up in mid-air behind me tried to yank me back down the steps. I narrowly missed total catastrophe.  In a total reflex motion, I did put my bad leg down to keep from hurtling down the stairs which, well, did not feel good. The second I did that I could hear the surgeon saying, "DO NOT PUT WEIGHT ON THAT LEG UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES". Argh! So I have a new method of getting up the stairs. I am now a toddler and I have to sit on the step. Then I have to put my arms behind me on the next step up and push off with my good leg and lift myself up to the step behind me. It isn't pretty, but it is effective. I can hold my 50lb casted leg in the air, push off with my now new TRICEPS OF STEEL, and hoist my very heavy body up the stairs one by one. When I finally get to the top, I am ready for a nap. Since I have mastered the graceful art of stair climbing, tomorrow I shall tackle the elusive, "Leash Training A Puppy".... from a knee walker.  Stay tuned. It is sure to be riveting!

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