Thursday, October 10, 2013

Mechanical Inclination

Many events in my life have pointed to the simple truth that I in fact do not, in any shape or form, have the ability to assemble or fix ANYTHING that involves using tools. I distinctly remember one Christmas where I was given the task of assembling a Barbie Motorhome for my girls.  3 hours later - it was clear, Barbie was NEVER going to hit the road.  I suppose one explanation is for some odd reason I have a hiccup in my brain that keeps me from recognizing my right from my left.  I know. I know.  I am almost 50 years old and still there is about a 5-10 second lag before I can correctly identify my right from my left.  This is particularly enjoyable when I am giving directions. Mr. Yesteryear Acres learned long ago to just ignore whatever words come out of my mouth and follow which way I am pointing.  I can do the pointing part correctly so at least we can get to where we are going without getting lost. I am absolutely useless in working with tools. I cannot unscrew anything using the lefty loosey righty tighty method. If I am given directions with pictures to put Slot A in Tab B or put the right handed board with the left parallel unit.  Forget about it.  When I brought an unassembled dresser to my daughter's dorm room, I bribed the dorm residents with cookies so that they would put the dresser together.  Cooking I can do!  I am an awesome cook!  Just don't have me install anything! Today, my treadmill belt was all askew and I couldn't operate my treadmill. ARGH!  I need my treadmill to combat the evil chocolate covered graham crackers!  Mr. Yesteryear Acres is super busy on a multi-day project and he cannot come to my rescue.  I attempted to straighten the treadmill belt.  I attempted to use the provided treadmill tools to loosen the belt mechanism and align it properly for TWO HOURS.  I am now at the point where tears would like to roll down my face and my treadmill actually looks worse than when I started.  I do not think treadmill belts are supposed to wrinkle and scrunch up against the side railing.  WAH!  It is useless.  Looks like my only hope is to go bribe Mr. Yesteryear Acres with cookies!  I better go make a double batch. I think I have created quite the project for him.  Darn lefty loosey righty tighty!

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